Nationally, more than 70% of the people in your situation who have tried mediation were able to reach agreements that were mutually satisfying. They made their own choices. Most of them had attorneys, so they could make informed decisions. They realized that they didn’t want to be shocked or disappointed by any unforeseen legal, financial or tax consequences of their decisions. Getting legal advice helped them reach agreement about what was going to happen in their lives.

Statistics show that most of them doubted that they would be able reach agreement in mediation, but they wanted to give it a try. Mediation gave them the opportunity to make their own decisions and, as a result, saved them time and money.

Although mediation is ordered by the court in divorce and custody cases in Linn, Johnson, Jones, Benton, Tama and Iowa counties, it is not appropriate in every case. If you are in an abusive relationship; if you are afraid to be with the other person or will not be able to speak up without fear of being harmed later, you or your attorney can request a waiver or excuse from the courts' requirement to mediate.

Remember, mediators can’t give you legal advice, ethically. It is best to get advice on the consequences of possible options from your own attorney, who understands the uniqueness of your situation and the law.

ONLINE RESOURCES

COSTS IN RAISING CHILDREN

The following is a link to the Universtiy of Minnesota Extension Service.  Others in mediation have found  this site helpful in planning parental expenses.

http://www3.extension.umn.edu/distribution/businessmanagement/DF5899.HTML

IOWA CHILD SUPPORT

Child support calculations should be done by your atttorney knowing all of the specifics of your individual circumstances. There are many variables that effect child support outcome and this requires professional advice. The link included below takes you to the web site of the software provider that furnishes the program used by many Iowa attorneys to make their child support calculations. By clicking below, you can get a general idea that may give you additional useful information to assist your decision making.

http://www.iowasupportmaster.com/childsupport/

FINANCIAL CALCULATORS

To help you with financial decisions,Divorce Software ®: free online financial divorce calculators.

http://www.divorcesoftware.com/calc/calculators.htm

LIFE COACH

Divorce, and stress that often comes along with it's decisions, is a transitory time. Not only for you, but for friends and family as well. A Life Coach can, at times, serve an important supportive role in your life where others cannot. http://bgdtcoaching.wordpress.com

SUGGESTIONS FOR MEDIATION PREPARATION

Make a list of all the issues you would like to discuss and also note:

• What is important to you about this issue?
• What do you want the other person to understand about this issue?
• What are your concerns about this issue?

Making the above list and answering the questions has the following benefits:

• Helps you clarify what is important to you and why.
• Helps in mediation to focus on what is important to you rather than the final decision you want.
• Two people starting mediation with a focus only on the solutions they believe they want, may limit the chances for true understanding and success.

If you have an attorney, consult with that attorney about your list:

• Ask what additional items the attorney suggests you cover in mediation.

For each issue on your list ask:
• What are my individual legal considerations for each issue?
• What is the best that could happen to me in court on each issue?
• What is the worst that could happen to me in court on each issue?
• What is the most likely that would happen to me in court on each issue?

Also ask your attorney how soon you would be able to get a court date and what the costs might be of having a court decide?

Bring whatever paperwork that might be helpful to the two of you in more clearly understanding what it is you have and what it is you want to do.